2020 09 09

 2020 09 09 

Wednesday day 34

On Tuesday September 8th Alex was transfered out of the Intensive care Unit and sent to the hospital floor where he will continue his recovery.

Alex no longer requires Intensive care. He has proven to have stable vital signs and requires a less Intense atmosphere.

Within the intensive care room he was within a pressurized room, Temperature controlled, and surrounded by state of the art medical equipment. The room was what Alex needed....but it was cold loud and very stressful. The room is what Alex needed....but there was never a 20 minute segment without someone stepping into the room to check something. Throughout the day and night, doctor teams checked his eyes, his vitals, his reflexes etc.

Too many times within the 30 something days of Intensive care, teams would come in, do some type of review, some type of physical or visual assessment, etc. During each of the reviews or assessments, I would make attempts to read the body language or read the "through the covid mask and goggle" expressions. Sometimes they do the assessment and just walk out. Sometimes doctors look at each other in confusion, worry, or disappointment.  As a parent sitting bedside I get the vibe, the gesture, the difference in the voices heard through the covid masks. 

On Day 33 it was a breath of fresh air to see the eyes and hear the voices of the doctors who say "wow he is doing so much better than expected". I sit bedside, I see that this is no where near the Alex that I know, so I think to myself..."wait...wait and you will see the tough guy soon enough" When I hear the comments, I realize how bad the situation was and now how busy we will be to get him back to his normal.

For 33 days I watched nurses and doctors, I listened and accepted the dings and buzzes of all alarms. I tolerated the cold temperatures and loud noises and wondered how my poor kid could stand all of it. I sat bedside and wondered where the heck he obtained the strength, stamina, patience and will power to put up with it all.

I know deep down that He truly had no choice....but still, he was a tough guy to get through this all. We could pray for his health and strength....bit he has to have the strength to accept it....and he did.

 Every night I sat bedside and every night I shook my head and asked "why are we here? How could things have gone so wrong? How long before we get back to normal? God....you have a plan...we are not sure why the plan took us down this road...but we wait, we have patience, we have faith and we have hope."

Our faith and hope has saved us several times.  Our faith and hope clearly didnt keep me from breaking, didnt keep me from falling apart, keep me from questioning my faith, keep me from questioning if there truly is a God or that guardian Angel that we all hear about. I have faith but this still broke me, broke me to pieces. There is a saying that you can break...you are allowed to break. Crayons break...but no matter how much they break the pieces can still color the same beautifull picture.  So I break but my faith tells me that this too shall pass and that things will get better. My Faith didnt tame those crazy emotions...my faith only helped me to believe that it is hard right now but will get worse before it gets better. This has proven true time and time again in the past several days.  When a doctor comes in the room, sees Alexs eyes open and his laugh or smile the doctors eyes open to a wide open eye, they stop short in thier step and almost all say "woah...thats not the same Alex we saw last week, he looks soooo much better". Seeing him hourly I dont see the big difference but those who see him every 3 days are noticing the difference.  To hear the comments now after hearing the negativity of the first week proves that I was right to have Faith.

Today on day 34 , We are in a normal hospital room now. It is quiet, peaceful, we have only 1 connection to his feeding tube and the typical heart rate and oxygen sensor. Other than those 3 wires he is free to move so long as his body is ready to.  Thus far today, it is noon and he has had physical therapy, occupational therapy, and music therapy to get him to begin movements. 

Last night Alex slept the entire night.

This has been the first night in over 8 days that he has been able to sleep so peacefully

This morning at 4am we were both ready to start the day. Alex wad able to stay awake and semi cooperate with commands for a few hours and then was just over tired and ready for sleep again. His strength in moving or lifting arms or legs is still almost non existent, the attempts and slight movements exhaust him.

We are in a quiet place right now. We have a room where we can actually hear ourselves think and hear ourselves when we talk or need to listen. The room is large and bright and has a great view over Boston. This morning little man and I were up way before sunrise and were able to then see it rise over the buildings in the distance.  Watching the sunrise in the peace and quiet gave us a sense of calm, a sense of relief, a faith that this may just be the start of the new begining.  It is quiet, it is calm, it is bright...and it just may be exactly what Alex needs to recover. I have Faith in that.